Well...

another year is almost over. I'm still a nervous wreck. My life is no better. I'm scared all the time. Of the people around me, the people in the world. What they're going to do next. I've sort of put aside all philosphical questions. Now it's just me and them. I don't think I'll win. I'm worried if I'll even survive for very long. There is no protection for good people. It took me this long to realize it. How stupid am I? And the position I'm in now is not a good place to change to that philosophy. It hurts bad.