Well...

another year is almost over. I'm still a nervous wreck. My life is no better. I'm scared all the time. Of the people around me, the people in the world. What they're going to do next. I've sort of put aside all philosphical questions. Now it's just me and them. I don't think I'll win. I'm worried if I'll even survive for very long. There is no protection for good people. It took me this long to realize it. How stupid am I? And the position I'm in now is not a good place to change to that philosophy. It hurts bad.

A rash of out-of-state plates

I'm still trying to get the police to help me with "boom cars" in the neighborhood. It's really messed with my health I think. Besides that I've noticed something else suspicious having to do with automobiles.

There is an epidemic of out of state license plates where I live. I live in south coastal Massachusetts and it's normal to see plates from New England, maybe New York, and once in a great while a state further out. And people who want to avoid paying for car insurance go to Rhode Island to register their cars illegally, where they don't have mandatory insurance laws. Well in the past year, I've noticed more and more plates coming from places like Texas, North Carolina, Idaho, etc. And it's not once and a while it's everyday and almost everytime I see a new one it's from a different state.

Are these people all on the run? Are they illegal in one way or another? Because they're not coming here because this place is booming (apart from the cars). This is a depressed area. There are no jobs and even less opportunity. And it's boring. Apart from all the crime there is nothing to do.

So why would anyone come here? And why so many from so many different places.

Brian De Palma's Redacted

Can't wait to see this movie. And apparently I'll be able to when it hits Boston on the 16th. WOOT! I'm a fan of his movies so I want to see it anyway, but I'm also glad that people are still out there ready to fight the good fight.

Lust, Caution

It's such a fantastic film. You must see it.

Tony Leung Interview

Congratulations, Terry!

In the news (September 12, 2007)

Britney Spears

I said a long time ago I think this girl just needs to get away from everyone. Why she hasn't come to that conclusion yet is beyond me. Anywho, this crap about her being fat is ridiculous. Once upon a time, I had a body like that. At 5'2" I was 115-120 lbs. depending on when I weighed myself and wore size 5 pants. So if that's fat, then I don't know what to think.

That poor gay senator man

I know. I know. He kinda deserves it. But obviously this guy has no idea that he's gay because for all his life he couldn't be gay because it's so ingrained in him that it's something wrong. I feel bad for him.

Anyway

I don't know my life still sucks. I still have the same problems with the people in my neighborhood with fireworks and noise and it's just getting to be to much. I really think I'm going to lose it one way or another. The police hate me for all the times I called last year. So I can't really call them anymore but I still do when something else stupid happens. But they hate me when they should hate the people who are actually making my life a living hell. I don't know. It's like an insane parallel universe where you're the bad guy for not letting people treat you like shit/pose a danger to you even if what they are doing is illegal. And the worst part is I know who they are and I can pretty much predict when they're going to do it and I still can't get anyone to stop them. I've heard that Hell is repetition. I can tell you that's the absolute truth. I just want it to stop. Why is that too much to ask?

Resurrecting the Champ

http://www.resurrectingthechamp.com




Here we have another great movie that for some reason no one is seeing. Well I know the reason, it's not being promoted. Samuel L. Jackson is great in this. Josh Hartnett is awesome too. It's well-written, well-acted, well-directed. It should be on the top of everyone's "must-see" list. To tell the truth the only reason I saw it in the first place was because I'm a fan of both actors. Had I not been I probably would have let it pass by too. With the number of movies released ever increasing, it's hard to get around to everything. And with all the varied and sometimes biased opinions out there it's hard to determine what's worth it. Well this is worth it. It's also about something important to me which is personal integrity. People need more integrity nowadays.

If you're somehow reading this and have the time and money, check it out before it vanishes from theaters, which could be in days.

IMDb page

Today in the News (8/27/07)

{I think I'm just going to do some compilation posts like this when news I haven't gotten to piles up.)

Owen Wilson

Yeah, I have no idea what this is about. I'm not really a fan of his but it sucks if it's true (that he attempted suicide). Look I mean my problems are mostly financial and I think it's hard for people in my situation to understand why someone with that much money would want to take their life. Well, as a general rule, life sucks. We wouldn't have all heard the expression before if it wasn't true.

Most people think if you seem happy, like you smile a lot and crack jokes, that everything is fine. That's just not the case. People need to understand that human are complex and they have emotions. I think at the time in which we live there in little room for emotions. Since there are televised psychologists basically telling people to suck it up, it seems like you can't be less than 100%. If trained doctors don't give a hoot about hurting anyone, why should anyone else? And people do follow suit. You know people watch shows like that and then turn around and treat the people in their lives the same way. I don't even think that many people have real friends anymore. You're lucky if you can find your own little corner of the world and be peacefully alone there because the world has just become too much.

I don't know what he's going through, but I know what it is to want off this planet. I hope he can find some kind of happiness somewhere.

Alberto Gonzalez

Honestly is it really going to make a difference if this guy resigns? The way I see it those in power have everything wrapped up around itself a thousand times. Nothing is cause for celebration. This still will benefit them somehow, don't you worry.

Michael Vick

Who cares? I'm so sick of this story. Stupid person was so bored at the top he had to find a really ridiculous reason for people to take it away from him? Next.

YAY! I live in Trashcity.

Now if I'd done this I would have concetrated on all the puke and dog poop in the streets, even by city hall. But this is great since someone else is taking some initiative. This idiot mayor made a lot of promises he didn't even attempt to keep. If you've been reading my blog you know my problems with this place.

I love Phil Rizzuto

For some reason in my baseball watching days as a kid we got WPIX here. So I decided that I was a Yankees fan. It was back when they had Mattingly and Winfield and my favorite Mike Pagliarulo. So nearly every day I watched and listened as Phil cracked me up time after time with his funny stories. That's actually how I used to do my homework. With the game on. They're really fond memories. Just peacefully doing my homework listening to the game with my old pal Phil. I wish I could go back there.

The insanity I have to deal with is insane

I have to tell you about how I ended up yelling at some kids I'd never seen before Sunday evening.

At about 6:45 in the PM, I was sitting here at the computer. I heard a thud that sounded like something hit my house. My mother went outside to see what it was. Then when she didn't come back in right away I looked out the window and it looked like she was talking to someone. So she came back into the house and I asked what happened. She said to me "Two kids are burying a bird on the side of our house." This immediately makes no sense.

So I go outside. And I start interrogating these kids. The fact is I can't really do quotes because I was so confused while I'm trying to reason and gets answers out of these kids that my mind was swirling. Apparently their bird died and they thought the dirt on the side of my house which only goes a foot beyond my house looked like a good spot. I'm of course not understanding how kids determine to go onto someone else's property and just start digging but I guess it made sense to them. So as I'm standing there watching them to make sure they dig the corpse back up. I start to think 'what if this isn't their bird and it's just some diseased bird they saw dead near our house and just decided to bury' so I asked the kid why, if it was his bird, didn't he burying it in his own backyard..

"BECAUSE MY DOG WILL GET IT!"

God help me but what kind of rationale is that? Now I've never seen this kid before. There are many kids in the area but these two weren't familiar to me. So I asked them where they lived and they said to different directions but one wasn't really talking. I didn't really believe the other kid anyway which was really frustrating because you can't even trust kids anymore. So now nothing makes sense. Because whose bird is it?

"It's both our bird."

Again they make no sense. Two kids who don't look related who say they live in two separate directions own the same bird. I'm just getting more aggravated and aggravated with these kids. But I watched them dig the bird(s) up. (Apparently there were two somehow, one of which they claimed to have buried there two weeks ago?!?!) When I told them they can't just do stuff like that the one kid said that he didn't know it was my property he thought it was "theirs".

Now there is a double driveway for the business next door and a brown house on the other side of that. I'm not sure what he meant but I said "well even if it was then it would be their [the business'] property", meaning they're still wrong.

But he comes back with "Nobody lives there."

And I said "HEL-LO!!! It's a business! It goes all the way around to the other side."

And he said "Oh."

I mean my brain is trying to sort through all of this while trying to make some kind of sense. And they tried to get me to let them leave their bird there. So I had to scream so that the neighborhood could hear me "PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE'S PROPERTY ANYMORE!!!" I told my mother that if they didn't do it, I'd call the cops, so they could hear me.

So they dug it up and looked all pissed off as they went to walk off. And I said to them, "Look kids. You can't do stuff like this. One day someone is going to get really mad and get you into really bad trouble." And they just looked at me with blank faces and walked off. My mother went to watch them to make sure they were going in the direction they said.

This thing with the miners, I don't know

I had been hopeful, because the owner seemed to know what he was talking about and they seemed to be getting there yesterday. I was expecting late night word that they reached them. But I guess they missed the spot? The second bigger whole is supposed to be done soon. I'll update this if I hear anything. But should that even be a job anymore? It just seems so dangerous.

edit: well it seems pretty bad now. But they didn't find anything with the cameras so maybe that'll turn out to be a good thing. But the amount of time it's taking. They should make some kind of device that would allow people to signal from underground for this specific reason. Then they wouldn't have to guess where to dig.

Okay Mel B needs to stop

She got pregnant on purpose to attach herself to someone who is still famous. Right when he's divorcing after a long marriage when he was on the rebound. Opportunist. And now there is someone here on earth because of it. A whole life just to play games. And she's not poor. She was in one of the most successful groups ever. I watched her on Larry King with the undead Allred. They just now want to shame him into including the kid in his life. And you know she just got married so he can't take the kid away from her. Whatever. She needs to stop. She's a disgrace to women everywhere. And would you believe she used to be my favorite Spice Girl? I'm embarassed.

Illegal aliens are so nice

Nice enough to line you up before they murder you. And they're rapists too. Awwww....

click here for story

I'd really love to hear the reponses from all those pro-alien Senators. Ted, got a minute?

I really have to start posting more

I guess I gave up on a lot of things. But I should start posting more, maybe in compilation posts, about stuff in the news. My personal stuff isn't getting fixed so I don't even feel like complaining anymore. But there are always current events to go off on.

I think I have dyshidrotic eczema

Don't worry, I'll make it.

I've been getting these itchy little water bumps on my hands for years now and I had no idea what it is. But I just decided to do a search again and that's what I came up with. I only get them when it gets really hot out. In the article it also says that they originally thought it has to do with malfunctioning sweat glands but now they don't. Well guess what? I don't sweat right. When it gets superhot the most that happens to me is that I get a little tacky. It'd have to be 100 degrees and humid for me to manage one bead of sweat. So when it gets hot, I stay hot. No natural cooling for me.

So a few years back I started getting these little bumps on my hands and it was pretty apparent that it was all about the weather. Because I live in Massachusetts it's obvious since most of the year it's not that hot. But when it is these little bumpies strike. Quite honestly I've learned to just pop them if they show up, there's no reason not to. They itch, you pop them, it makes a little brown mark that goes away, and you're done. Otherwise they just continue to itch. I know that sounds gross but it's just water and they're teeny tiny.

I know what the article said but I insist that it's sweat desperately trying to get out of me. I get zits on my face now too that don't actually appear to be zits. Maybe it's the same type of thing because they're not whiteheads or blackheads they just appear, itch, and then eventually go away. No stuff in them.

And that is your grossness quotient for the day.

I think I just got something

My mom has been telling me this for a long time but I didn't know what she was talking about.

My life has been sucky. For a long time. And I think my own personal problems have everything to do with the decline of civilization in our country. Whether it's crime statistics or illegal aliens or Britney Spears, it seems like my problems parallel and are influence by the downturn I think our country has taken. There are things that happen in my life that bother me to complete distraction that could easily be handled by people who are in a position to do something about it. And I don't understand why they don't care because, imo, if they don't do something about the little things when they're small then they become big things. And I know the things I'm going through are considered small potatoes to everyone else but I could not understand why.


When I would ask my mom, "why doesn't anyone care what's happening?" or "why is everything so screwed up?" She'd say "because of the war."

Now I interpreted that as 'well, since the United States is at war this country is going down the toilet because of the karma of bombing some other country'. Okay that's not what she meant.

It finally occured to me that the reason I can't get anything done, the reason there are no answers and no one gives a shit about anything I have to say is that a vast majority of the people I come into contact with probably have their minds on Iraq 24/7. You may be thinking "Duh!" but honestly I didn't think of it.

I don't know any soldiers. The fact is I don't really hang out with people. I do what I have to do, come home, and then that's it. I can't find a job so I don't circulate with other employees. So I don't really know anyone directly or indirectly involved in the war. I come into contact with lots of people every day but I don't know about their personal lives. It's very much a news story for me. Yes of course I think it's horrible. I don't think anyone should be dying, American, Iraqi, whoever. But in terms of it really being a present part of my life, it's not.

So it hadn't occured to me that the people I'm coming into contact with could be walking around like zombies because they're worried about someone over there and their minds aren't even in this country, let alone my town. I mean I knew people from around a depressed area like this would be over there fighting but I didn't really think about the people here. And that the crazy woman who can't give my information even though she works at an information desk might be like that because she's got a son over there who should have been home by now. I think about the war when I'm home watching the news reports not when I'n out trying to get normal stuff done. I just thought everyone was on psychiatric medications and that's why they were like that. I guess it could be both.

So does that solve my problems? No. But it explains it. It explains why people think I'm full of it. Why they think I worry about nothing. If you want to compare problems then they probably win according to any judge. But does that mean we're supposed to let this country go to hell in the meantime? Does it?

Ted Kennedy must have a Mexican girlfriend

and maybe an anchor baby of his own out there. That's the last reason I came up with for why he's completely lost his senses and is ignoring the will of the people of the United States.

Now that I've heard this, there's no question in my mind.

This cracked me up

It's a recap someone did for the LOST Season 3 finale. I was truly laughing out loud at this. click

This Paris Hilton thing is so much fun!!!

I'm serious. I was just sitting here watching the cruiser take her back to court and it was like watching a Marathon or something. I was cheering the paparazzi running after her. It was so cool. But she did sneak past the press outside the courthouse. Skunked again.

But at least that judge struck back. I was wondering how she could get one of those bracelet's when he specifically said she couldn't. I hope against hope that this changes things because our system is so broken. And if this bruhaha can in any way get serious change rolling that'd be awesome. That's what this whole thing is about. It's not about some dumb blonde. It's about average Amercian's desperately needing to see justice done. With all the illegal activity going on in this country that no one ever seems to get punished for, this is our chance.

The newswoman just said 'On a much lighter note, Paris Hilton's back in court'. LOL

Check TMZ.com for constant updates.

Rosie O'Donnell takes so much crap on that show

If I was her I would have knocked out that idiot Elisabeth this morning. That girl is dumber than dirt and the fact that she has a public forum to air out her idiotic ideas baffles. Okay Barbara Walters isn't much smarter, so if she was in charge of the hiring it makes sense. But Jesus, that Republican turd, and let me say most people don't even admit to being Republicans anymore, when challenged told Rosie that it was easier for her to fight Donald Trump because he's obnoxious. There is nothing shittier than someone in the middle of a fight bring up another fight you had with someone else. It's such a baby-ish thing to do. And I wonder what Trump is going to say about that? HAHAHAHA. The whole point was that Rosie was saying that she was upset that Elisabeth hadn't defended her recently and she was hurt by it because she thought they were friends. Elisabeth is a moron who doesn't know anything other than what the Church or George W. Bush tell her.

Somethin's been buggin' me all day

So I did my volunteering today. You know the ESOL thing. So I was talking to the teacher whose class I volunteer in and I was curious about how the students did on their placement tests to see if they go to the next "grade" next year. So it's an oral test and they don't really concentrate on writing until the next year. Now at this point she goes onto say how useless it is to teach them to write, because "when are these people ever going to get a job where they have to write anything". Now I'm trying to keep some kind of agreeable face because that's just insane.

This teacher is one of those old hippies that's supposed to be into this sort of thing. And I know she is because every time I walked into class she had something posted about supporting the Kennedy-McCain bill. And when we had the raid she went on and on with the whole 'isn't it the biggest tragedy' and all that crap. But she obviously has a lousy view of these people. I mean some of the people in class aren't old enough to drink and she already thinks that they'll never have a job where they have to write even a paragraph. What a horrible view to have of any person. I don't think like that.

I've gone to that class for several months now and watched these people "teach" them in a half-assed way. I thought they were inept but apparently they just don't give a shit. I mean in theory they're outraged about their plight. But where their portion of helping these people, and I mean real help, is concerned they don't take it seriously at all. And then to have that attitude I couldn't believe it. I've gone out of my way to help where they're not, and I'm against illegal aliens. I always go out of my way to explain things to them and the gist of what this woman wants to do is make macaroni pictures. She actually said that when offered the job of the next level class she didn't want it because doing having to concentrated on writing that much wouldn't be "fun".

And I'm just standing there thinking 'Why are you saying this to me? What's wrong with you? You're a total asshole.' What is it with this place that everyone must tell me everything that they are doing wrong? "I'm an illegal alien"; "I'm a shitty teacher."; "I'm on probation." SHUT UP! Find a priest for chrissakes. I already think you people suck, don't confirm it. Idiots.

Honestly, the people who feel really bad for the illegals have no idea about them and they don't want to know. They have some image of the downtrodden that they like to keep in their heads instead of looking at the person right in front of them. Most of the people I've dealt with came to this country with the promise of a better life, but what they left behind wasn't that bad. The thing is the promise of a better life is all freakin' bogus. So they might have been just as well back home. Yeah they'll have some money when and if they go back, but they didn't know what they were getting themselves into. If they were all sitting in huts and came to this country to see what running water was like then it'd make sense. But these are educated people half the time, people just like you and me from somewhere else. They come from cities and learned computers where they came from. It's not this image that people have. The image they're hanging on to not only belittles these people but also allows their trangressions based on the idea that they're so desperate that they have to break our laws. So in a way, these people who support the illegal alien cause really think of them as less than themselves. That's really messed up.

Yuck!

Honest to God.

Ultraviolent John Rambo footage

(not for kids)

What motivates a spoiler?

And by that I mean the people who spread spoilers. Spoilers being plot points to shows, movies, books that aren't out yet.

Are they just mean little kids who haven't gotten over it yet. I mean the word is spoil. Spoiled things are nasty and gross. Why do that?

I'm a LOST fan. And I've been around the bend on things that can be spoiled (like Star Wars, Harry Potter, LOTR) so many times that I've got all these strange habits now. Like I read and don't read spoilers. I mean if I thought that I could remain spoiler-free and still live a normal life, watching TV, checking the internet, then it would be no problem. But because I know from past attempts to stay spoiler-free that you get spoiled anyway, when tempted, I do look at spoilers occasionally. But I just wish the temptation wasn't there. Because I always rationalize "Well what if I get hit by a bus before I see it, then I'll be dead and I won't know what happened." Stupid stuff like that. Then there's always the idea that you'd rather spoil it for yourself on purpose, instead of being a victim. You know 'taking back your power', but then that's not what you really wanted. Oh, it's so complicated.

So this time I've tried to not read LOST spoilers for the last month or so. It doesn't work. Because you go on a LOST message board and people put spoilers in the subject line to purposely ruin everything. So you say "Well, then don't go on any LOST message boards!" It's not that simple. The whole thing about LOST that is so great is talking about what just happened on the show and speculating on theories you've had and new ones you just thought of. If you don't do that, why even watch? So you want to talk about the episode that just aired and in order to do that you have to wade out into a mindfield of possible spoilers. I actually go to a LOST chat during the show and there are evil Canadians who love to infiltrate our lovely corner of the internets to spoil what's happening right before it happens. You see for some reason the Canadians still get LOST at 8PM, when in the US it was pushed all the way back to 10. It makes you wonder if there is a God.

But really it's just mean-spirited. The producers don't want things spoiled and real fans don't want things spoiled. So who are these evil people? I guess their mommies didn't love them.

I hate Ted Kennedy

I really do. Is there anything else to say anymore? I mean the people of New Bedford, Massachusetts let him know (and Kerry and Frank) that we were happy with the ICE raid and that they misrepresented us on this issue. And he couldn't care less. I'm almost 100% positive that come next election he will decide to retire so that we can't vote him out. Whenever I want to call someone an asshole in polite company, I'll just call them Ted Kennedy.

YIKES!!! Harry Potter spoilers are about!!!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070514/ap_en_ot/books_rowling

I didn't think I'd have to stay off the computer this soon. There's like two months left. Oh no I don't want to be spoiled. I go out of my way not to spoil things for other people. This would be huge. Oh if we only had a no-spoiling spell. There is so little to look forward to in this miserable world.

The fireworks and noise are back

The fucktards in my neighborhood set off fireworks (or firecrackers couldn't see so I can't say for sure) last night while I was trying to relax after a day full of boom cars. I live around truly disgusting "people" and I'm still at a loss to know why my life is so stagnant that I can't get away from here. I mean I don't want to leave my childhood home but I feel that I have to because my life depends on it. These people are going to kill me one way or another. They'll either burn my house down in the middle of the night or they'll finally push me into having a stroke or heart attack. That shit really does affect me physically and it's not a matter of ignoring it. I CAN'T. No matter how hard I try to breathe deep or any of the other crap in those self-help books, nothing matters when these people strike. Everything I've ever read or thought goes right out the window. And again everything that is bothering me is completely illegal where I live.

I found out at the beginning of the year, the very beginning, that not only were the police ignoring me and acting like I'm the problem when I call them, but they were erasing any record that I had called. I had been in contact for about half the year with what they call a "community police officer". He's supposed to be in charge of community issues. So the last time I spoke to him, New Year's-ish, he went and looked up when I had called, because the female police officer I spoke to yelled at me for 15 minutes to half an hour. But when he went to look it up there was no record that I had called. And there had been no record of anyone from my house calling the last 5 or 6 times I had called about fireworks. Interesting, isn't it?

It's hell living like this when you just want to live in peace and no one gives a shit. They act like you're the problem because you expect a peaceful life. When I spoke to that bitch officer last year she basically told me that unless I told them exactly who the person was that was doing it, then they couldn't do anything. Basically it was all on me. They don't go looking to find out anything anymore. You have to do the police work and hand the criminals over to them in a nice neat package. And the example she used was that if I knew that someone was selling drugs on my corner the only way they could do anything about it was if I told them that person sold me drugs on that corner. Otherwise they can't do shit.

So as far as I can tell the police around me just collect dead bodies. They're glorified garbage men. They don't protect or serve anyone. This place gradually went downhill because they can't do anything. The reason they can't is because if they aren't absolutely certain that they can convict someone they don't bother. They don't want to police the streets, they just want to make convictions. They don't want to go over and tell someone to lower their noise. Where's the glory in that? They don't want to enforce the law. They want to put people in prison forever or nothing. They don't want to get involved unless it's going to go exactly 100% perfectly. So the people that bother me with their illegal activities have never even been spoken to. No one has ever gone up to them and told them that what they're doing isn't right. Police can't do that anymore? Oh no, in reality, it's just that they won't. And that is the real reason why I live like this.

fyi, if I lived near reasonable people I would have spoken to them myself. I don't. I've tried in the past and been retaliated against over a simple request to turn the music down. That's why I turned to the police in the first place.

Why do people lie?

I'm at the point where I don't feel that I can expect a truthful answer to the simplest questions anymore. Everyone lies all the time. For what? It's a waste of time for everyone. I don't think that I lie. Am I wrong? Do all these fucking liars go around thinking they're as honest as I think I am? I don't feel like I know anything for sure anymore. And I certainly can't trust a single human being on this earth. And I don't understand why it has to be that way. Because if I trust anyone ever again then I'm just lying to myself.

There is something I need to tell you

I am an ESOL tutor. Okay there I said it. Dramatic, huh?

Here's the thing. Because I have had such a hard time finding employment I was starting to feel like a hermit. I also felt pretty useless. So one day last year in the library I saw a card that said there was a need for volunteer Adult Education tutors. So I took one and called the number. They taught people who were going for their GEDs and people who needed to learn English. I was a language major. I had taught in another voluntary ESOL program years ago in another city. So I figured I'd give ESOL a try. It'd give me something to do.

Okay it took until that ICE raid in town a couple months back for me to find out that maybe some of the people in this class weren't here legally, which was a shock to me. Why was I shocked? Well, because this program is actually part of the city's school system. Meaning it's governed by the school department, meaning it's funded by taxes and therefore should be very official. On top of all that in order for me to volunteer in this program I had to allow them to do background checks on me, and I had to fill out an application and provide references just like I would for a real job and I had to get it all signed by a notary public. So I assumed that the people in the classes would have had to show some sort of identification to get these free classes (free for them not the taxpayers). No that's not the case. And I didn't even think to ask that question until a few days after the raid, when in the break room, the other volunteers were blasting anyone who didn't feel terrible about what had happened to "those poor people". Basically they were saying nasty things about people like me, because they assumed everyone there had the same views as them.

So when I found this out I was conflicted, because it didn't necessarily mean that anyone I was helping was illegal, however a big part of me thought "Quit!". But because I figured that the program was set up for decent people who do belong here legally even if I'm helping only one person who actually deserves my help, then it's okay. And two of the 3 people that I'm assigned to are Puerto Rican so I don't have to worry about them. (I think?) Anyway, I've still been going and I've still been helping but it's lost it's luster. I help in the computer room and mostly with conversation with those 3 people. In the computer room, I'm pretty much treated like a waitress in a busy restaurant. I'll get waived at and snapped fingers at and they laugh because it's so funny. And the way I am, a diligent worker, I feel like I've already been taken advantage of far too much by the staff. So I'm not humoring any of the crap anymore. I'm really not. My intention is to fulfill my commitment for the year and that's it.

But the question is: does being in this situation with these people make me feel for their plight? Actually it does not. One of the people I tutor pretty much led me to believe that she's not here legally, yesterday. Which seems silly to me because she's from a place, like Europe, that isn't that bad. But she's in a precarious position and I understand that. She's stuck in a way. But the thing that bothers me is that I'm in this position now. I feel like Vinny Terranova. I went into something totally structured that seemed uberofficial, but is basically a way for former hippies to circumvent the law again. (The hippies became teachers to further their BS, in case anyone didn't realize.) Well they are the same ones who are pushing for all this immigration reform garbage. And I got caught in their snare. They wouldn't be in a position to deal with this stuff, because these illegals aren't going to tell them a thing. But because we tutors don't seem as official as the teachers and our major charge is to have conversations with these people, they think we're their psychiatrists, priests, or worse yet, friends. What's wrong with you people? Don't trust me. You don't know me. And the part of me that wants to strike out is also the part of me that is being insulted because everyone just gets to assume what I think and what I feel. That's not very smart is it? If I can't trust any of these people, how dumb is it for them to trust me?

All day yesterday and when I woke this morning I was preturbed. I just have a "How dare they?!" thought rolling and rolling around in my mind. I pour the water for my tea and it's "how dare they?" I sit down and turn on the computer and it's "how dare they?". I'm festering again. Makes you just want to rat on everyone doesn't it?

The funniest man alive

My thoughts on Cho

Yeah I know no one cares. But this is my blog and that's the point.

Well here's the thing. Firstly, I don't think NBC should have ran with that footage that quickly. They were the only ones who had it. They could have waited but in the need to be first they rushed it out. They could have made people aware of it and posted on the site but they broadcast it and I'm sure that was very upsetting for anyone personally linked to the massacre. I was definitely interested to see it and at some point I would have appreciated them making it available, but the phrase "too soon" is more than appropriate here. Onto the killer.

Well this kid basically Travis Bickled. You know, we're seeing news stories about disturbing creative writing and loner behavior and psychiatric missteps, but I think we're missing the point. He was extremely pissed. He was pissed off at the world. If he wasn't he would have just killed himself. He meant everything he did. He wasn't wired wrong. Okay maybe he was, but I don't personally believe in that stuff. I think that most mental problems come from conditioning. I'm sure that are some people whose brains are malformed from birth, but all this chemical imbalance bullshit has never flown with me. I do think chemical imbalances can be measured, no doubt. But I think the chemical imbalance comes because of the mental problems not the other way around. Bad things happen to you emotionally and it sets off certain chemicals and the more it happens then you become imbalanced.

So this kid wanted to kill these people. Mostly he seemed to have a problem with rich kids. I don't think he selected everyone he shot based on income but I think we get the gist of his rage. He resented the free pass that rich kids were getting. I don't know if he thought it was the just the university who favored them or the world at large but I'm guessing it's the latter. I do think I have some perspective on that anyway, because I did go to a major university and I was the poorest kid I knew. When I was scraping up change to see if I could afford a slice of pizza, the girls next door were hiring a maid to clean their dorm room. It's one thing if that's how far it goes but it's not. In college you begin to realize the advantage that the wealthy have. I was on scholarship and could barely afford my books. No money had been put aside for me to go to college but everyone expected me to go and I went. In fact I couldn't afford anything more than the basic texts, so if the teacher would give us supplemental materials to read I would have to go to the library to read it, sometimes waiting for someone else to be done with it. The kids who had money could just go buy it and read it in their room, in transit wherever. It made their academic life more convenient and easier. It doesn't seem like a big deal but it is.

I was in college in the early 90s this is just when computers were just beginning to become commonplace. Almost no one had one when I went in, but almost everyone had one when I graduated. Well of course I couldn't afford one, so if I needed to type a paper I had to do it in the computer lab again sometimes having to wait and during open hours, but mostly it was just
inconvenient. You don't have money for study guides, tutors, any of the extras that can make a college career that much easier. But what happens is that all these little inconveniences add up to an advantage for those with money. No to mention the fact that they started out in front of you. They're more likely to have better educated parents, therefore they grow up in a intellectually richer lifestyle. They know people because their parents knew people. And that turns out to be the most important advantage of all. So if you're sitting in your room trying to beat the odds studying and you're being disturbed by hard partying rich kids who are outstripping you academically you can begin to have issues. I don't know whether this counts or not but the kids that I saw doing all the partying, the kind that involved expensive party favors, were rich. Kids with little to no money can't afford to do drugs. If justice matters to you might hope that their bad behavior would come around and bite them on the butt. However, it doesn't.

Now at the time I didn't have a problem with this. I only realized the disadvantage I was at after I had graduated. And even still I would have never blamed the kids, I would have blamed the system.

So then the question becomes why take it out on the students and teachers? I don't know. Unless he thought they were doing something to him personally, I don't completely get it. But in my current life, I myself have problems with people around me who I believe are making my life miserable. And as a matter of fact I have quoted Travis Bickle recently. Walking in the rain, last week maybe, I said "Some day a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets." I'm not even really a Martin Scorsese fan but I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the idiots I have to deal with everyday. They are driving me mad. Now I don't own a gun and I don't want one. I've never sought revenge for anything in my life. I've never been in a physical fight. I can't imagine a scenario where I would ever harm another human being. But I know how to hate people now. I've been taught that over the past few years but the vast majority of the people I meet on a daily basis. I've seen how crude and disgusting your average person can be over and over again in a short amount of time. In my opinion people are not inherently good or nice. This is not even close to what I though 10 years ago. I was all Kumbaya and happiness even though my life wasn't that much better. In some situations, time doesn't heal all wounds. Sometimes it makes them worse. They fester. This kid was definitely festering. I try not to but when you live in a Groundhog Day type scenario, it's difficult. I liken my life to Chinese water torture sometimes, even though I'm not exactly sure what that is. Maybe he felt the same.

Back to the media. They are trying to get simple answers to people about a complex problem. Problems that were specific to Cho and that only he really knew. But they need to say something so they come up with their experts and their soundbytes and they try to simultaneous paint a picture of a monster and a victim of the failings of the system. And maybe that's the the whole thing right there. Someone who felt victimized by the world struck back at the world. But instead of saying something so simple, they'll drag this on for weeks to get ratings and advertising dollars. What I see if just an angry person who bought some guns and used them.

Mad World

Everything is out of control. I keep saying it, but it keeps increasingly becoming more and more true. The news about this shooting at Virginia Tech is still coming out so we can't really say anything. But God, those poor people and their families.

What's wrong with nappy-headed ho's?

When I was a kid I was kinda black. I remember people saying "nappy" all the time and it meant that someone had kinky hair that was afro-like or difficult to comb/brush. Ho's we all know and love. So now I'm really confused as to what is wrong with this expression? Wasn't there a group called the Nappy Roots? Were they racist against themselves?

Wherever it is you have to go to officially register as a racist, I think I'm going there ASAP. I want to be able to use more than 3 words to get a point across and if being a racist is what I'm going to have to do to have freedom of speech then I guess that's what I'm going to have to do.

What is it with the Mayans? Honestly.

I'll second what Mel said.

I couldn't take it

I went. It was supposed to start at 2:30pm but it started after 3PM. As I sat there waiting for people to trickle in, I noticed that I barely recognized anyone. Not that I'm a mover or a shaker, but most people didn't look familiar at all. Anyway they got the thing started off by doing one of those prayer to the four winds jobbies. I don't know. I don't speak Mayan so who knows what they were doing. But when they started the rally portion it got way too loud for me, it was indoors, which tells you how much power this lobby has, that they were able to quickly organize getting an indoor venue that can seat a few hundred because of the weather. I stayed long enough for them to do the thing where they say a city's name so all the people from that city will stand up and cheer. This was where I learned everything I needed to know. The biggest delegation was from Boston, but there were also groups from Central Falls, Providence and Pawtucket. (That's all Rhode Island in case you don't know.) And when the group from New Bedford stood up it was about 30 people, 40 tops. There was a rally in New Bedford, about a raid in New Bedford, and the vast majority of people were not from New Bedford. What does that tell you? I even saw that Ali dude who was on O'Reilly last night. The next thing on the agenda was to hold hands and pray. I shit you not. We always joke about people holding hands and singing Kumbaya but that's basically what was about to happen so I split before I blew a tube. I'll be damned if I was going that far undercover.

But I had heard enough. The interpreter girl said something about "pushing the system" to get justice for the illegal aliens. And that they had the solidarity of the whole world. Honestly why do people think they are entitled to everything that everyone else has. And why do they insist on throwing God into everything? That pisses me off more than anything. And the whole world does not back you. Who is lying to these people?

They handed out all these little flyers. One for a rally coming up later, which I thought about scanning but I don't want to advertise for them. Anyway this is what part of it said:
"On March 6th, 361 leather workers, mostly from Guatemala and El Salvador, were taken away in a military style raid on the Michael Bianco Inc. factory in New Bedford. In a terrifying scene hundreds of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents surrounded the building, burst in and blocked the exits." Exsqueeze me? What were they supposed to do? Jazz walk into the from door while criminals ran out the back? Notice how they use words like "terrifying" and "military style" to try to make it seem so tragic. We've all watched TV shows and movies where there was a raid of some kind. It's not supposed to be festive. They bust in and say 'don't move'. At which point I would suggest you don't move. If you do they're gonna chase you, and at that point, you're just scaring yourself.

"Families have been torn apart. About 100 children were stuck with baby sitters, caretakers and others creating a humanitarian crisis." What kind of babysitters were these? I mean you left the kids with them, so it must have been a humanitarian crisis that they were in everyday when you went to work. If children with babysitters is a humanitarian crisis maybe we should tell those people in Darfur that we can't be bothered with them because there are kids in Massachusetts watching SpongeBob and snacking on fruitloops in houses that *GASP!* aren't their own. OH THE HUMANITY!!!

"They are not guaranteed a lawyer and have none of the protections afforded by the criminal justice system." Uh, yeah, because it's not their justice system. But somehow I think they'll be getting lawyers. There is a whole page that I was also given that had a list of lawyers, covering both sides, who are sympathetic to their cause.

"We call on working people" Of course not the unemployed people you stole jobs from. You know better than to even ask for their help. "of good will to mobilize and express our outrage" You want people to express your outrage. Cute. "and demand that the detainees be released and reunified with their families." I'm supposed to demand from my government? Why don't you go home and demand from your government whatever conditions you need to stay there. Did that thought ever occur to any of you?

Further down the page it says "Full legalization for ALL NOW! Immediate, permanent, non-revocable legal residence for ALL who live here." Okay now I hate you people. "Immediate" is bad enough. "Permanent" is disgusting. "Non-revocable" is vomitous. How dare you? Who the hell do you think you are? "for ALL who live here." You mean freakin' Al Qaeda cells? Are you insane? There is a level of stupidity going on in this that I can't begin to fathom.

Illegal aliens suck

Let me tell you I've been against this illegal alien thing since those oh-so-wise college age children of illegals started demonstrating at universities to demand rights for their parents that they didn't deserve. Ever since they called attention to their criminal parents, the nation has been made aware of how many people are living in this country illegally. Some of us were outraged mainly because we hadn't noticed before. We hadn't realize what a crappy job the government was doing enforcing the laws that are put in place to protect all of us. We knew that they sucked in the war on drugs and all that, but I don't think anyone realized how something like illegal immigration had gotten so far out of control.

So as luck would have it, if you can call it luck, I live in New Bedford, Massachusetts. It's not a choice. I'm stuck here. I was born here. Tried to make my way in the world. Failed. And had to come home. In the time I've been back here it's been extremely difficult for me to find work. I've got a college education but no automobile which is basically all that matters because all the jobs, require one. See, we don't have decent public transportation. So if you don't have a car you can't get a job locally that requires you to work nights and weekend and you can't get a better job in the surrounding communities. I'd love to get a car, but without a job I don't have to money to do so. So you see the Catch 22 that I'm in. (In case you're wondering how I'm writing to you on a computer it's not mine. Nothing is nowadays.) Now that makes looking for work close to home, or where and when the buses do run, an imperative. And that makes those opportunities even leaner. And I have to tell you that in the years I've sent out applications, I've only been called in on a handful of interviews. And that means less than 5. The number of resumes I've sent out has been in the hundreds, maybe thousands. So you see that there is little opportunity for employment here.

That is, unless you're an illegal alien. You've heard about the raid here by now. When I heard, I did a little dance. I was glad to see some form of law enforcement actually enforcing the law. Maybe you've read some of my other posts and remember the problems I've had trying to beg the police and mayor's office to help me with the problems I have. So this was like the cool refreshing taste of a York Peppermint Pattie. And then the agendas come. Like a diarrhea hurricane.

Kennedy, Kerry, Frank. All retards that I've voted for in the past. Frank was the only one I vote for last time. Anywho these morons sold out the people who have been backing them for their entire careers. Oh did I forget to mention that almost everyone in New Bedford was pleased with the raid? We felt as if someone has finally come to save us from this oppression. The media on the other hand made it look like we support these people. Talk radio has been insane with people supporting ICE and everything that happened here. No one was hurt. I think a woman fell down the stairs by accident. And a kid was dehydrated, supposedly because it was nursing and was away from it's mother who was in custody, but actually because it had pneumonia. Mind you that baby might not have been to the doctor if it wasn't for the raid. But the brass tax is that crimes were committed, people were arrested and processed, and the vast majority of citizens support it and are thankful for it. The media neglects to tell you that.

I'm on my way to a Pro-Alien rally. I just want to see what their demeanor is. And I'll tell you when I get back. This ought to be good.

Britney is the world

What I mean by that is that I really think Britney is just a symbol of what is happening to our world. It's going to hell in a handbasket and so is the "pop princess".

I like Britney. I don't understand what is happening with her. All I can do is speculate. I was worried that we were going to end up with another famous blonde in the morgue, but she's not even blonde anymore. I said the other day that I wish she was married Sean Penn. At least he would have tied her up. Which is what I would do with her if I knew her. Grab her, throw her in a room Trainspotting style, until she gets straight the hard way.

But honestly do we even know if she's on anything?We have no idea what's really going on with this girl and it seems like the people who probably do are too retarded to do anything useful about it.

When I was young we had teen pop stars like Debbie Gibson and Tiffany. I used to dream about being like that. I fantasized that I would move to NYC at 14 and become a sensation. And to see what fulfilling that kind of dream has done to Britney, I can hardly understand it. But I think it has everything to do with the world we live in. It's too fast, too confusing. You don't have time to adjust to anything. We're all on a speeding train and poor Britney has become the poster child for it. We're all going to crash if we don't get our collective shit together. But Britney is the one doing it out in the open, on camera, for everyone to see.

Where are her friends? Did she ever have any? Would she know them if they came? I think as a general rule we all have to leave her alone.

If I could speak to her. I would say, firstly, get the hell away from Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York, any place where you've been. And by all means DO NOT GO HOME. Going home to the parents is a bad mistake. You've got a shitload of money. Buy sanctuary with it. Go somewhere secluded, where you can rest and look at a view. No cellphones. No "friends". No nothing but Britney and a place to rest. And then just do that. Rest. Sleep. Don't look at the news. Don't listen to the radio. Just complete rest. And when you think you're ready to come home. Don't. Rest for another week, then reconsider it. You've got to get yourself right for your babies and for yourself. You can't take care of them until you work out whatever it is that's got you to this place. We all fall down. There isn't anything wrong with you. The only thing that is wrong is not trying to get up. If all else fails, watch Rocky Balboa. I'm not kidding. It will help.

Otherwise, let's leave her alone. The constant attention obviously isn't helping her.

Anna Nicole Smith

She died today and I can't help but think that this is what the world does to a beautiful girl. We're all about looks in our society. When you realize that that is how people are valued, if your beauty value is high you learn to trade on it. But then if you do, the world hates you for it. It must be confusing. Then the world loves you when you fall, hates you when you do well. So what do you do with that information? What do you do when everyone laughs at you? What do you do when your a total mess and you only have one true friend? What do you do when that friend dies?

I think she got plastic surgery recently. At least the last photo I saw of her looked like it. Plastic surgery on a perfect face? None of this makes any sense. It's all so useless. I'm sick of tabloids. I'm sick of celebrity gossip. Why can't we leave people the hell alone? I don't want to pay attention to it but that's all that's on the TV. So shut off the TV right? But then if I try to have a conversation that's all anyone wants to talk about.

What kind of a society have we created for ourselves? It's all false. And it's killing us.

I've solved the NYC gas smell mystery

You ever watch those Unexplained type shows about The Bermuda Triangle? One of them that I saw a while ago said that the reason ships could get destroyed and lost in the Triangle could be these methane bubbles that pop up from the ocean floor. The force of them could break a ship in half or knock it over stuff like that, which would explain away any strange vortexes or alien abduction theories.

Now remember a while back when the USS Intrepid was being moved for repairs or whatever. Anyway it got stuck, so it was really in there right? Okay, what if under it, the pressure from some of these methane bubbles had built up over all that time into one gigantic bubble?

Stick with me now. What I'm proposing is that in the middle of the night this bubble floated to the top. Now I'm guessing nothing is in the place of where the Intrepid was. I don't know. I don't live in NYC. But what if this huge bubble floated to the top? Or even better, maybe it could have been a series of smaller bubbles so it wasn't obvious and since the smell went on for some time I guess that would actually make more sense. So all day this methane is going up and up and up (mind you I don't know if methane actually smells, this is just a guess after all). Generally wind currents go west to east right? Well the gas could have been spread across all of Manhattan by the wind but then dissipated enough that it never made it to Connecticut. And the clincher is that people in New Jersey did smell it and since the Intrepid was in the East River that makes perfect sense.

Tah-dah. I want a cookie.

Is Sweeney Todd even a musical?

Tim Burton seems to be casting his movie with an odd assortment of people. Okay, they're not odd for him, but they're odd for a musical. Now Johnny Depp did sing before I think in Crybaby. But even that seemed strange. Now he's going to use his girlfriend and friggin' Borat? I dunno. I love musicals and look forward to any big screen adaptation but why can't these people cast known singers who can definitely handle the task.

Yeah it's a new year

whatever.