Rosie O'Donnell takes so much crap on that show

If I was her I would have knocked out that idiot Elisabeth this morning. That girl is dumber than dirt and the fact that she has a public forum to air out her idiotic ideas baffles. Okay Barbara Walters isn't much smarter, so if she was in charge of the hiring it makes sense. But Jesus, that Republican turd, and let me say most people don't even admit to being Republicans anymore, when challenged told Rosie that it was easier for her to fight Donald Trump because he's obnoxious. There is nothing shittier than someone in the middle of a fight bring up another fight you had with someone else. It's such a baby-ish thing to do. And I wonder what Trump is going to say about that? HAHAHAHA. The whole point was that Rosie was saying that she was upset that Elisabeth hadn't defended her recently and she was hurt by it because she thought they were friends. Elisabeth is a moron who doesn't know anything other than what the Church or George W. Bush tell her.

Somethin's been buggin' me all day

So I did my volunteering today. You know the ESOL thing. So I was talking to the teacher whose class I volunteer in and I was curious about how the students did on their placement tests to see if they go to the next "grade" next year. So it's an oral test and they don't really concentrate on writing until the next year. Now at this point she goes onto say how useless it is to teach them to write, because "when are these people ever going to get a job where they have to write anything". Now I'm trying to keep some kind of agreeable face because that's just insane.

This teacher is one of those old hippies that's supposed to be into this sort of thing. And I know she is because every time I walked into class she had something posted about supporting the Kennedy-McCain bill. And when we had the raid she went on and on with the whole 'isn't it the biggest tragedy' and all that crap. But she obviously has a lousy view of these people. I mean some of the people in class aren't old enough to drink and she already thinks that they'll never have a job where they have to write even a paragraph. What a horrible view to have of any person. I don't think like that.

I've gone to that class for several months now and watched these people "teach" them in a half-assed way. I thought they were inept but apparently they just don't give a shit. I mean in theory they're outraged about their plight. But where their portion of helping these people, and I mean real help, is concerned they don't take it seriously at all. And then to have that attitude I couldn't believe it. I've gone out of my way to help where they're not, and I'm against illegal aliens. I always go out of my way to explain things to them and the gist of what this woman wants to do is make macaroni pictures. She actually said that when offered the job of the next level class she didn't want it because doing having to concentrated on writing that much wouldn't be "fun".

And I'm just standing there thinking 'Why are you saying this to me? What's wrong with you? You're a total asshole.' What is it with this place that everyone must tell me everything that they are doing wrong? "I'm an illegal alien"; "I'm a shitty teacher."; "I'm on probation." SHUT UP! Find a priest for chrissakes. I already think you people suck, don't confirm it. Idiots.

Honestly, the people who feel really bad for the illegals have no idea about them and they don't want to know. They have some image of the downtrodden that they like to keep in their heads instead of looking at the person right in front of them. Most of the people I've dealt with came to this country with the promise of a better life, but what they left behind wasn't that bad. The thing is the promise of a better life is all freakin' bogus. So they might have been just as well back home. Yeah they'll have some money when and if they go back, but they didn't know what they were getting themselves into. If they were all sitting in huts and came to this country to see what running water was like then it'd make sense. But these are educated people half the time, people just like you and me from somewhere else. They come from cities and learned computers where they came from. It's not this image that people have. The image they're hanging on to not only belittles these people but also allows their trangressions based on the idea that they're so desperate that they have to break our laws. So in a way, these people who support the illegal alien cause really think of them as less than themselves. That's really messed up.

Yuck!

Honest to God.

Ultraviolent John Rambo footage

(not for kids)

What motivates a spoiler?

And by that I mean the people who spread spoilers. Spoilers being plot points to shows, movies, books that aren't out yet.

Are they just mean little kids who haven't gotten over it yet. I mean the word is spoil. Spoiled things are nasty and gross. Why do that?

I'm a LOST fan. And I've been around the bend on things that can be spoiled (like Star Wars, Harry Potter, LOTR) so many times that I've got all these strange habits now. Like I read and don't read spoilers. I mean if I thought that I could remain spoiler-free and still live a normal life, watching TV, checking the internet, then it would be no problem. But because I know from past attempts to stay spoiler-free that you get spoiled anyway, when tempted, I do look at spoilers occasionally. But I just wish the temptation wasn't there. Because I always rationalize "Well what if I get hit by a bus before I see it, then I'll be dead and I won't know what happened." Stupid stuff like that. Then there's always the idea that you'd rather spoil it for yourself on purpose, instead of being a victim. You know 'taking back your power', but then that's not what you really wanted. Oh, it's so complicated.

So this time I've tried to not read LOST spoilers for the last month or so. It doesn't work. Because you go on a LOST message board and people put spoilers in the subject line to purposely ruin everything. So you say "Well, then don't go on any LOST message boards!" It's not that simple. The whole thing about LOST that is so great is talking about what just happened on the show and speculating on theories you've had and new ones you just thought of. If you don't do that, why even watch? So you want to talk about the episode that just aired and in order to do that you have to wade out into a mindfield of possible spoilers. I actually go to a LOST chat during the show and there are evil Canadians who love to infiltrate our lovely corner of the internets to spoil what's happening right before it happens. You see for some reason the Canadians still get LOST at 8PM, when in the US it was pushed all the way back to 10. It makes you wonder if there is a God.

But really it's just mean-spirited. The producers don't want things spoiled and real fans don't want things spoiled. So who are these evil people? I guess their mommies didn't love them.

I hate Ted Kennedy

I really do. Is there anything else to say anymore? I mean the people of New Bedford, Massachusetts let him know (and Kerry and Frank) that we were happy with the ICE raid and that they misrepresented us on this issue. And he couldn't care less. I'm almost 100% positive that come next election he will decide to retire so that we can't vote him out. Whenever I want to call someone an asshole in polite company, I'll just call them Ted Kennedy.

YIKES!!! Harry Potter spoilers are about!!!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070514/ap_en_ot/books_rowling

I didn't think I'd have to stay off the computer this soon. There's like two months left. Oh no I don't want to be spoiled. I go out of my way not to spoil things for other people. This would be huge. Oh if we only had a no-spoiling spell. There is so little to look forward to in this miserable world.

The fireworks and noise are back

The fucktards in my neighborhood set off fireworks (or firecrackers couldn't see so I can't say for sure) last night while I was trying to relax after a day full of boom cars. I live around truly disgusting "people" and I'm still at a loss to know why my life is so stagnant that I can't get away from here. I mean I don't want to leave my childhood home but I feel that I have to because my life depends on it. These people are going to kill me one way or another. They'll either burn my house down in the middle of the night or they'll finally push me into having a stroke or heart attack. That shit really does affect me physically and it's not a matter of ignoring it. I CAN'T. No matter how hard I try to breathe deep or any of the other crap in those self-help books, nothing matters when these people strike. Everything I've ever read or thought goes right out the window. And again everything that is bothering me is completely illegal where I live.

I found out at the beginning of the year, the very beginning, that not only were the police ignoring me and acting like I'm the problem when I call them, but they were erasing any record that I had called. I had been in contact for about half the year with what they call a "community police officer". He's supposed to be in charge of community issues. So the last time I spoke to him, New Year's-ish, he went and looked up when I had called, because the female police officer I spoke to yelled at me for 15 minutes to half an hour. But when he went to look it up there was no record that I had called. And there had been no record of anyone from my house calling the last 5 or 6 times I had called about fireworks. Interesting, isn't it?

It's hell living like this when you just want to live in peace and no one gives a shit. They act like you're the problem because you expect a peaceful life. When I spoke to that bitch officer last year she basically told me that unless I told them exactly who the person was that was doing it, then they couldn't do anything. Basically it was all on me. They don't go looking to find out anything anymore. You have to do the police work and hand the criminals over to them in a nice neat package. And the example she used was that if I knew that someone was selling drugs on my corner the only way they could do anything about it was if I told them that person sold me drugs on that corner. Otherwise they can't do shit.

So as far as I can tell the police around me just collect dead bodies. They're glorified garbage men. They don't protect or serve anyone. This place gradually went downhill because they can't do anything. The reason they can't is because if they aren't absolutely certain that they can convict someone they don't bother. They don't want to police the streets, they just want to make convictions. They don't want to go over and tell someone to lower their noise. Where's the glory in that? They don't want to enforce the law. They want to put people in prison forever or nothing. They don't want to get involved unless it's going to go exactly 100% perfectly. So the people that bother me with their illegal activities have never even been spoken to. No one has ever gone up to them and told them that what they're doing isn't right. Police can't do that anymore? Oh no, in reality, it's just that they won't. And that is the real reason why I live like this.

fyi, if I lived near reasonable people I would have spoken to them myself. I don't. I've tried in the past and been retaliated against over a simple request to turn the music down. That's why I turned to the police in the first place.

Why do people lie?

I'm at the point where I don't feel that I can expect a truthful answer to the simplest questions anymore. Everyone lies all the time. For what? It's a waste of time for everyone. I don't think that I lie. Am I wrong? Do all these fucking liars go around thinking they're as honest as I think I am? I don't feel like I know anything for sure anymore. And I certainly can't trust a single human being on this earth. And I don't understand why it has to be that way. Because if I trust anyone ever again then I'm just lying to myself.

There is something I need to tell you

I am an ESOL tutor. Okay there I said it. Dramatic, huh?

Here's the thing. Because I have had such a hard time finding employment I was starting to feel like a hermit. I also felt pretty useless. So one day last year in the library I saw a card that said there was a need for volunteer Adult Education tutors. So I took one and called the number. They taught people who were going for their GEDs and people who needed to learn English. I was a language major. I had taught in another voluntary ESOL program years ago in another city. So I figured I'd give ESOL a try. It'd give me something to do.

Okay it took until that ICE raid in town a couple months back for me to find out that maybe some of the people in this class weren't here legally, which was a shock to me. Why was I shocked? Well, because this program is actually part of the city's school system. Meaning it's governed by the school department, meaning it's funded by taxes and therefore should be very official. On top of all that in order for me to volunteer in this program I had to allow them to do background checks on me, and I had to fill out an application and provide references just like I would for a real job and I had to get it all signed by a notary public. So I assumed that the people in the classes would have had to show some sort of identification to get these free classes (free for them not the taxpayers). No that's not the case. And I didn't even think to ask that question until a few days after the raid, when in the break room, the other volunteers were blasting anyone who didn't feel terrible about what had happened to "those poor people". Basically they were saying nasty things about people like me, because they assumed everyone there had the same views as them.

So when I found this out I was conflicted, because it didn't necessarily mean that anyone I was helping was illegal, however a big part of me thought "Quit!". But because I figured that the program was set up for decent people who do belong here legally even if I'm helping only one person who actually deserves my help, then it's okay. And two of the 3 people that I'm assigned to are Puerto Rican so I don't have to worry about them. (I think?) Anyway, I've still been going and I've still been helping but it's lost it's luster. I help in the computer room and mostly with conversation with those 3 people. In the computer room, I'm pretty much treated like a waitress in a busy restaurant. I'll get waived at and snapped fingers at and they laugh because it's so funny. And the way I am, a diligent worker, I feel like I've already been taken advantage of far too much by the staff. So I'm not humoring any of the crap anymore. I'm really not. My intention is to fulfill my commitment for the year and that's it.

But the question is: does being in this situation with these people make me feel for their plight? Actually it does not. One of the people I tutor pretty much led me to believe that she's not here legally, yesterday. Which seems silly to me because she's from a place, like Europe, that isn't that bad. But she's in a precarious position and I understand that. She's stuck in a way. But the thing that bothers me is that I'm in this position now. I feel like Vinny Terranova. I went into something totally structured that seemed uberofficial, but is basically a way for former hippies to circumvent the law again. (The hippies became teachers to further their BS, in case anyone didn't realize.) Well they are the same ones who are pushing for all this immigration reform garbage. And I got caught in their snare. They wouldn't be in a position to deal with this stuff, because these illegals aren't going to tell them a thing. But because we tutors don't seem as official as the teachers and our major charge is to have conversations with these people, they think we're their psychiatrists, priests, or worse yet, friends. What's wrong with you people? Don't trust me. You don't know me. And the part of me that wants to strike out is also the part of me that is being insulted because everyone just gets to assume what I think and what I feel. That's not very smart is it? If I can't trust any of these people, how dumb is it for them to trust me?

All day yesterday and when I woke this morning I was preturbed. I just have a "How dare they?!" thought rolling and rolling around in my mind. I pour the water for my tea and it's "how dare they?" I sit down and turn on the computer and it's "how dare they?". I'm festering again. Makes you just want to rat on everyone doesn't it?