I'm am sick and tired of going through this every year. As it gets closer and closer to the fourth of July the morons in my area set off illegal fireworks, they seem like the professional kind to me. They do it at random times, into the night, whenever. These are not children. They are adults. Why does this appeal to these people? I was always taught how dangerous it is and because of that I worry that someone innocent, including myself, could be affected by it. We all live in wood frame houses closely packed in together. Call me crazy but that concerns me. In my opinion people with brains wouldn't want to do that sort of thing in this area. But you know what happens when they move people from the inner city brick slums into small towns/cities. They bring their bad behavior with them and refuse to acclimatize. So we have to adapt to them. Is that how it's supposed to go?
Now it happens often enough that something should have been done about it by now. I live in a state where all fireworks are illegal. So this shouldn't even be a concern of mine. But again I live in a place where apparently very few people care about the law. So I get to be startled for months. I get to worry ceaselessly. The longer it goes on and nothing is done about it, it's some kind of automatic accumulation of worry that grows in me every time, and I feel like something's bound to happen eventually. It sparks my outrage over and over again. I get scared. I get upset. And I'm so sick and tired of it that some times I wind up crying because I'm so angry that I even have to think about it at all and there is nothing I can do about it. It's illegal, so why does it keep happening? I can call the cops so that they can pretend they're listening to me. But then I just feel like I'm wrong for wanting to protect myself, like I shouldn't be bothering them. It's not like they're supposed to protect me, right?
There are so many things like this in the world where it just goes on and on and on. And I'm sure some people think it's not that big of a deal but it's a big enough deal that it's completely illegal. Doesn't anyone understand that lawlessness breeds lawlessness? I feel like I live in chaos. It's just another example of how people are letting everything go because of the supposed greater societal ills out there. Well maybe if people didn't feel like they lived in chaos and felt like there was some order, then lawbreakers would feel like the outcasts. But I'm the one who usually feels like I'm crazy for even caring about such things.
I hate all fireworks at this point. I hate professional displays. I hate seeing them in car commercials. I hate the 4th of July and New Year's Eve. I have to skip a part of my favorite movie because I can't even tolerate it there anymore. I used to love to go down to the pier as a kid to watch the fireworks. Now they're just a source of fear and anxiety. People can ruin things for you. You don't have to let them. It happens anyway. Systematically over time they can make you hate where you loved.
Friday, June 16, 2006
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